Ever since I posted this, I have thought it sounds a lot harsher than I meant it to. However, during my Great Purge of posts, I decided to keep it up despite its harsh-sounding tone. The information is still useful/meaningful/relevant/etc…

I was going to make a list all along. What I wasn’t going to do was forget most of my initial points. What results is a progression – I’d tell you what that progression is (and it’s probably obvious now that I’m pointing it out), but what’s the fun in that? You’re free to guess, though, if you want to. Regardless, here are some things you ought to know mostly about writers and authors who have no “official” credits to their name.

Things you should know about most unpublished writers:

• We get it, you think you could be a writer too. After all, you have a story idea you’ve been playing around with for a while, or maybe it’s just a thought you once had that would be really cool, something like “What if Iron Man was a villain?” or “What if, instead of Darth Vader throwing the emperor overboard at the end of the movie, it was Luke Skywalker?” or “What if dogs walked like people?” Believe me, everybody thinks, but long-term thoughts and cool ideas do not make a writer. If you want to write, you can, but if you’re never going to, stop belittling my writing so that you can pretend writing is something anyone could easily do if they only sat down to do so.

• (and its twin) No I should not write your book for you. I don’t want to write your book for you. Your book idea bores me, no matter how much I like to write. I don’t care that you say we can split the profit 50/50; I don’t even care that you’re willing to give me 75%. If you believe in your book idea, you write it.

• Even hobby writers are writers. It’s what they do, the same as any hobby guitarist plays the guitar, or any hobby sports watcher watches sports. Note: hobby writers write. They don’t simply dream of writing or “have a great idea” like people in the above points. Whether you see their writing or not, they write. If you dissect a writer’s DNA, you’re going to find words all over the place, so don’t all doom and gloom try to dissuade them from writing unless you do the same to everybody else not financially profiting from their hobbies. Don’t pretend that a person “aspires” to be a writer someday, because the fact of the matter is that they already are a writer (factually an author, too, even if they’re unpublished); and no, completing dross writing assignments for work and school does not (usually) a writer make.

• Writers aspiring to make a living off their writing beat themselves up enough about how long they’re taking. Sometimes it’s laziness. Sometimes it’s life. Sometimes it’s excuse after excuse after excuse. Sometimes they want to give up on writing altogether, but like I said, DNA. If a writer sets a goal and misses it, sets another goal and misses that, don’t lose faith. Writers have to write almost as badly as they have to eat. Eventually “it’ll happen.” (Unless I ask you to,) Don’t mock every moment of my not writing. Don’t throw pity parties or failure celebrations. Don’t ask me every time I see you how my book is going (although occasionally is okay). And of course, if the money starts flowing, that will make or break a writer, but let the writing come from them.

• I admit: I wish, wish, wish, so wish that writing was like the movies. Person sits down at their desk with a couple of notebooks and a weekend (or gosh, only a night) to spare, and writer finishes said weekend (or gosh-ed night) with a completed masterpiece, the next “Great American Novel” – in one draft, no less. I get it, history can list one or two authors who published wonderful novels from first drafts, but have you ever looked at why? When paper is in short supply, you can’t afford to make mistakes; when it’s more readily available, you can afford to write a lot quicker and fix it later.

• Getting published takes a long time. I’ve heard it estimated many times that even after you catch a publisher’s interest, the process of publishing takes on average two more years. If I’m currently looking for a book agent, stop trying to get your hands on my published book. It’s not published and I’m not going to self-publish simply to “get it out there.” Upwards of 1 million books are published each year (do not use this statistic to tear down your writer friend), and while many of those are people vanity publishing or self-publishing, agents and publishers cannot be expected to read more books in a week/month than most humans read in their lifetime.

• There are two main methods of becoming a published author. Here are super-brief summaries with the etceteras implying everything I’m leaving out :
  1. Traditional – this usually involves writing, rewriting*, finding an agent, rewriting, finding a publisher, rewriting, getting published, etc… The pitfalls are: from start to finish takes longer, pay is less, etc…
     *my use of the word “rewrite” can mean rewriting one or a dozen times, editing, etc…
  2. Self-publishing – this only requires that you write something, anything, and make it publicly available. Rewrites, edits, etc… are all at the writer’s discretion. The pitfalls are: costs up front (editors, artists, printing, etc…), author handles all marketing, less time to write (you’re the businessperson of your writing), etc…

• Lots of writers have “day jobs” not because they secretly enjoy those jobs more, but because they’re unwilling/unable to jump into full-time writer mode without guaranteed income. Yes, artists like to starve, but some artists value their self-respect as well. “I don’t care what you think, but I still need a feeling of self-worth.”

• Your writer friend/family member is not likely to become rich and famous. Ever. but especially not from their first book. If you watch some of the early J. K. Rowling interviews, you’ll recognize the surprise from everyone that she managed to actually earn the down-payment on a house from Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s [/Sorcerer’s] Stone. Yes, she got “lucky” in many ways with that book, but simply earning more than the advance was quite unusual.

• Speaking of advances, few writers get large ones. I’d dare guess that, aside from any established authors that still accept them, most of the big advances are publishers hoping to ride the literary wave of a different book/series’ success. I don’t think many people seriously dream of large advances these days, but if you do, that dream will likely crash down around you. Inception-style.

• “I could write better than that” – the big difference? You didn’t write. Or if you are writing, keep at it. Maybe someday you’ll get “your lucky break” and maybe you won’t; that’s life. “How could nobody catch such a blatant error?” – it happens; ask J. K. Rowling about Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (depending on the edition, Lily appears before James). Writing is hard, no matter what they want you to think, no matter how much a person loves the craft.